Hey there everyone! Buckle yourself in, I’m about to get personal.
In 2015 my husband and I started talking about possibly getting pregnant. Anyone who’s ever considered it knows that’s a big conversation. I had never been the type of girl who knew she wanted to have kids one day. In fact, I was pretty solidly on the “no” side of things. But here we were, having the talk.
I had pretty serious baggage about my child hood. My father was an alcoholic who had a hard time holding down steady jobs. My mother worked overnight shifts to make due and suffered from being exhausted all the time, while raising two kids and grasping at straws to make a fumbling marriage work. My parents eventually divorced, my mom remarried, and I ended up shouldering my father throughout my teenage years and into my adult life. A lot of times growing up I felt alone. I struggled with feeling like my parents hadn’t been there for me in the way I needed them to be.
My biggest fear of having children of my own was that I would somehow repeat this behavior. That I would ultimately fail and in turn end up with a child in their 20’s pointing out to me all the areas where I went wrong and how I failed them. It’s a legitimate fear. One that I feel like all potential parents face at some point. What I ultimately decided was to not let my fears keep me from experiencing something I was genuniely interested in pursuing.
So we took the leap, and on Jan 3rd, 2016 welcomed our son Paul Rodney Hayes into the world. I’ve never looked back after the first moment I held him.
Life at times seems to move so fast. We’re all guilty of falling into the rat race. Work, home, sleep, wake up, repeat. One minute you’re in your 20’s and then you wake up and you’re 30, married, have a grown up job, and a mortgage payment and you wonder when it all happened. That was certainly true for me. Now its a little bit different. I find time slows down in the precious moments I spend with Paul. I don’t know if its because I know time is fleeting and that one day I’ll blink and he’ll be 18 going to prom. But I find myself just wanting to savor this, all of it. I want to remember mornings spent on the sofa with him sleeping peacefully on my chest. I want to remember the moment he started walking, and how the world opened up to him. I want to remember him covered in yogurt in his high chair. Little insignifcant things that I know one day I’ll miss.
This gets me to the point of this blog…..there really is a point. I wouldn’t just get all personal if it wasn’t for a reason. The fact that I’m a photographer has never meant more to me then now. I know whats its like to work long hours during the week and coming home just dead on your feet tired, just to try to get the baby fed and get him to bed so you can have just an hour of peace and quiet to yourself. I know the guilt a parent feels when you feel like you haven’t gotten to devote enough time to your child that week because you worked overtime. I know how much as a parent you want to just cherish these real and raw moments with your children.
That’s why I love lifestyle sessions. Because they’re real, they’re raw, they’re life in their most purest moments. They’re capturing little tiny snapshots of your life in that exact second. Just a little piece of perfection frozen in time, forever. Sure, newborn photography is cute. Your kid dressed up and posed in a theme when they’re all tiny, fresh and new. Sure, family photo shoots are fun. But a lifestyle shoot, that’s emotion. That’s art created by your life.
In the end I think we all can agree…life is messy….life is hard…at times down right tragic. But it’s also beautiful, poetic, and raw. Years from now I want to look back and remember this time for everything it was. I want to remember the taste, the feel, the smell of it.
So here it is, a little glimpse into my life. I hope it makes you smile, makes you laugh, but most of all I hope it makes you feel something.
Hope everyone has an amazing Friday!